Hi Anna,

The question you ask is probably one of the most important ones I have to answer. Keeping Christ at the center of any relationship is what being a Christian is all about. It will affect the rest of your life. It is also one of the most challenging lifestyles, for the whole world seems to be telling you the opposite at times.

The first thing that should be established is where your hearts and thoughts are concerning your individual commitments to the Lord. You say that your boyfriend is also a Christian, and that's good, but how committed is he? Does he attend church regularly? Is he involved with any ministry? How about you? Find out how your and his commit compare and talk about where your beliefs differ. The Bible says "be not unequally yoked together with non-believers (2 Cor. 6:14)." Though this verse commands specifically that Christians should not marry non-believers, I believe it also applies to anyone in a relationship, be it a romantic or business relationship. And, if you carry the concept farther, it would be wiser that two Christians involved in a serious relationship should be about the same spiritual maturity level, otherwise it will hinder the growth of one and may frustrate the other individual who doesn't understand his or her partner's feelings and intentions.

After you've established where you are with God, you both must make sure God is at the center of your individual lives. This means a daily time talking to God and having Him talk to you. We talk to God through prayer and He speaks to us through His word, the Bible. This can be a difficult thing to get in the habit of doing, but when you are diligently seeking God's face and His desires for your life as an individual, it becomes much harder for you as a couple to stray from Him. Also, it allows God to speak to you directly as to His plans for your life and your relationship.

You should each try and develop a habit of this daily time with God. I would suggest each morning you set aside 15 or 20 minutes to pray and ask the Lord specifically for your spiritual growth and His plan for your relationship. Don't just ask for what you would like to have, but ask "How can I please you, Jesus? How can I grow? What am I doing that displeases you?" Then, have a set pattern of reading His word. Start with reading a Psalm and a chapter in one of the Gospels each day. If you do this for at least a month, it will become part of your morning routine. Remember "Thy word have I hid in my heart, that I might not sin against Thee."

Now, when you get together, share with each other what the Lord has been showing you in these readings. This way, you'll not only grow in your knowledge and love for God together, but you'll also have His direction on your lives and your relationship. You will also get to know each other in a way more intimately than you can imagine. Spiritual thoughts and concerns are at the core of our being. Learning about how each of you feels and thinks about your spiritual walk displays the "real you". It's easy to put on your best face when you're out and about with someone, but the things of the spirit are those that define the person, and therefore much harder to fake.

Let me know how you do on this suggestion. If you feel it's too big a commitment or any problems develop, let me know that, too. I'll be praying for you. This idea helps those even if they are not in a relationship, for the habit of reading Scripture and seeking to understand it is what the Lord commands of us all (Psalm 119).